My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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