He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
