tell your sister to shave her snatch
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
