so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
whose parrot is this?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
