I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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