no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet he comes in French.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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