maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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