When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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