You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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