My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
