i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Are we still banned from the library?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
