Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
