I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
