FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
