If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
