Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
