i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
