My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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