Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
