say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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