The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
