i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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