I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
