im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
