she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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