Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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