So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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