maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
