Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
