but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
