even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
