I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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