No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
