The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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