I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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