you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
