Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sext me about skeletons
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
