just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
