Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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