Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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