If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
