I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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