Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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