What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm like, not good at living.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
