No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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