I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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