alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
