so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
