if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
