i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
