your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
