Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
