I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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