my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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