The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
