Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
