Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
