We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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