I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
