I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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